Saturday, July 18, 2015

The Journey of a lifetime...Under Construction

In September of last year my husband and I had a conversation concerning my health.  As many of you know I have struggled with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome since puberty.  They didn't have a name for it back when I was 11 but as the years have gone by and more and more research is done they are starting to narrow down the cause of this.  A lot of it has to do with the types of food we eat.  As food evolves and becomes more and more genetically modified the more we, the people, will suffer with many new illnesses but that is for another post at another time...back to why I'm writing this.
I was a pretty healthy kid.  As a baby my mom found that I was lactose intolerant and allergic to chocolate (yes please feel sorry for me.  Go head...take a moment....just know I still eat it but I suffer with a burning throat and have to drink a ton of fluids to make it feel better lol) and in my early twenties I found out I also am allergic to latex! Explains why I had such sore and swollen gums for a week or two after every single dentist visit! Other than those moments I was pretty healthy.  Once puberty hit I began experiencing new things that were painful and would make me extremely anemic and tired all the time.
Nothing against my family, but we just don't talk.  I mean, we do now but growing up we just never really talked about how things change as you become older and what you will experience.  I did go to public school until 9th grade so I had the "sex education" classes and anatomy classes and such so I learned about a little about what girls will experience as they become a teen and such.  I also never really talked about that kind of stuff with my friends.  Really, I only had a couple of close friends growing up and we were boy crazy and into movies and being...well kids. So with all that said it wasn't until I was 13 or 14 that my mom realized I was having some serious issues.
After several doctor appointments and testing the end result was "well if your daughter would lose the weight then she would not have these problems."  Let me just say....teenagers are already going through one of the most difficult times in their life and when a doctor throws in there that they are fat and need to lose weight, any ounce of "self worth" is squashed.  It still brings me to tears when I think of those moments.  Moving on... what they didn't know at the time was my increasing weight gain was a symptom of something seriously wrong.  Due to female issues my doctor decided at the age of 14 that I should be put on birth control.  So here I am about 50 pounds over weight at 14 and my doctor puts me on a pill that will "help" with one area but will make me gain even more weight. The cycle just gets worse from there.
Here I am 21 years later and this past Wednesday I was approved for Gastric bypass RNY by my insurance. When we started this process I was determined not to share that we were going through this.  I have had many who have loved me no matter my size but I have had a lot who have judged me because of my size.  Of course I am guilty of the same thing and I always try to remember that people just are not educated.  Our society is all about looks and of course when they say a heavy person they automatically assume they are binge eaters and lazy.  Food is why I am heavy but not because I am a binge eater....
When one is extremely anemic, passing out and having to go in and out of the hospital it is extremely difficult to cook, clean and exercise as well as hold down a 40 hour job.  I remember in the very beginning of my marriage I would work, and sleep.  Literally. I was so exhausted I could barely move.  Tim and I struggled so much and in the end we just really had no idea what was wrong with me and the stress of bills, newly married and life almost ended us.
There was one doctor in Michigan who invested time in me and my situation.  I remember after several appointments he told me my husband needed to come.  He sat my husband down and explained that if we don't get control of this situation he would lose his young bride,  It was then Tim realized that things were really bad.
So here I am with 24 days before my surgery and I am having all kinds of mixed emotions.  This would explain my first post concerning this surgery being pretty scattered.
I want to start blogging so I can share my journey with those who may come before me.  I want to talk about some of the things I was scare of.  How I sorted things out in my head.  How it took me 7 years to finally make this decision.  As my new journey to a new me begins I want to be able to put into words what I go through, how I deal with those who are uneducated and how I overcome what some have called the impossible.
My goal is to blog at least once a week on a specific topic.  My next blog will be about how having this surgery is NOT the easy way out!
I'm looking forward to this journey....please pray for me, my family and my surgeon....God is so good to me!
With Love
Ann Marie

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