The easy way out...

In my previous post I talked about how I got to where I am today.  Where am I? 10 days away from having gastric bypass surgery.
I went through this entire process in 2008 and when my information was submitted to my insurance, the insurance found a "flaw" and would not allow us to correct it so I would have started my whole process over.  I was so heartbroken and devastated but I understand today that it was best that I waited until this time in my life to have this surgery.
Today I am much more prepared for this life changing surgery.  I have a lot more knowledge of how my body works and how food affects me.  I feel I make much better food choices and I am much more active.
I know there are some who consider this type of surgery "the easy way out".  I guess in a way for a long time I kinda felt that if I went through with this surgery I would be giving up on myself.  Both of my parents have had this surgery and many friends who have had this.  Some have been extremely successful and I have watched others put the weight back on.  I see both sides of this and I have to tell you, it is far from the easy way out.
I am still pre-op so I don't have the "actual" experience" but let me share with you why this is not in any way the easy way out...
For the rest of my life, I will be limited to how much food I can consume at one time.
 I will most likely have certain foods I may never be able to eat again.
 I also will experience "dumping syndrome" which is very unpleasant.
I will have to take vitamins/calcium/iron for the rest of my life.
I cannot simply just go to a restaurant and order anything from the menu.
My stomach at first will be the size of a thumb.  Once it heals and the swelling goes down it will hold maybe 1/4 to 1/2 cup of food at a time.
My taste for food will constantly change.
Most people who have this surgery are unable to eat leftovers.
If I do go out I'll probably be sharing with someone lol
Our society of fellowship and hanging out is centered around food....so my life will be so different at these moments.  I have read people who are asked several times at restaurants if the food was ok because they could only eat a couple of bites.  I have also read of people who ate out and ended up in the bathroom having a "dumping" moment.
If the Lord allows me to become pregnant I will have to be closely monitored and have bloodwork done often to make sure the baby is receiving the appropriate amount of nutrition.
I will deal with lose skin....not just normal flabby skin but pounds of lose skin that I will most likely have to pay out of pocket to have removed.
I may lose a bunch of hair (not that I have a lot to lose :( ) in the first year.

I know this may not sound much of a problem but when you consider that I have to literally change the last 35 years of how I thought of food its going to be quite the journey!

As much as I am nervous and even scared of how this will affect me, I am looking forward to it all at the same time!
There will be something freeing about being able to kneel down on the ground, or squat down to reach something.  To not struggle to put a seat belt on or have to shop in special stores for clothes.  To not think twice about booking a flight on an airplane or even going for a hike and not having to worry about if I can make it.  I have many, many things on my "when I'm skinnier" list.  Some things most people take for granted, others are things I've dreamed of doing.

I know it will be a long and at times tough journey but so has living the life I have.  I think for me the hardest part has been dealing with people who judge me because of my size.  Even in the church.  I have had people watch what I eat and make comments to others about me.  If I have learned anything over the last few years its....Just because you may be skinny doesn't mean you are healthy.
On Tuesday I sat in my pre op appointment and the doctor said to me "So you have no issues other than PCOS, no high blood pressure, no diabetes, no high cholesterol,..." and my response was "I'm the Healthiest fat person you will find!"
The more I research, the more I change my diet the more I see changes.  This surgery is a tool.  Tim and I were talking about this on our way home from vacation and he made a really good point.  He said "People who have cancer go and have radiation or chemo.  People who have diabetes take insulin, people who have any type of issue go to a doctor and are prescribed medicine or therapy of some sort.  You have PCOS and weight is your problem so this surgery is just like those other things." That gave me so much more peace.  I don't care what others think of what choices I am making.  They have not lived a day in my life so they cannot make any type call of what I should or should not be doing.
I sat in the office of my surgeon and had to get him to understand that my weight is a reflection of PCOS not because I indulge in food.  Every other doctor I have been too has agreed with me and though my surgeon has not had to deal with many people with pcos he cannot group me in the same category.  I still chose him because he's one of the best.
My goal with this blog is to help others who have PCOS to have a voice.  There are many with PCOS who do not have the weight as a symptom but that doesn't mean they don't suffer.
I'm beyond thankful for the many who have encouraged me along the way.  In 10 days my life will be so different.  I'm looking forward to getting healthy and living.

Until next time...

Ann Marie